I love you Benjo.

Personal

February 2, 2011

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My darling boy,

Words could never express just how much you mean to me. I still remember the excitement I felt when you were soon to arrive into this world, and the sheer joy and elation that accompanied your delivery into my arms. To look down at this amazing, wondrous, remarkable little child and know (but at the time not be able to fully appreciate) that my life had forever changed was a realization that humbled me on that special day nearly 8 years ago… and continues to resonate with me today.

I know how tough things can be for you sometimes. I know your days are far harder than anyone – your daddy included – could ever imagine having to deal with. I know your schedule is terrifyingly full of school, special programs, therapies, routine, (forced) order, medications, schedules, rules, can’t-have’s and constant “you need to do this.” Any “typical” child would struggle under the sheer weight of all you’re forced to endure, so the fact that you have to handle all that you do with your special challenges is even more difficult… and makes me empathize with, and love and respect and admire, you even more.

Do you have any idea how special you are? Do you know just how amazing you are? You have the warmest, most loving and trusting soul of anyone I have ever met. Even with all that you have to deal with, you are always so quick to smile, so quick to hug, so quick to trust, so quick to love. No one I know emanates as much radiant warmth as you do, and I wish I could have even a tiny portion of the joie de vivre that you have.

I know things aren’t always easy. I know there are days when all you can do is yell, or cry, or lash out and try to quell the tempest in your head. Please know that I will always do whatever I can to help you do so. I know I’m not always as patient as I should be, but I’m working so hard on that. I know all too well that there are times when we all just need to let it out and have someone there to take us in with a warm, loving hug and reassure us that “it’s all going be alright…”

… and Bennie: it’s all going to be alright. I’m here for you, now more than ever, and I am going to do anything and everything I can to help you smile. You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are loved, and I am going to make sure you know that each and every day.

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